I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
