We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
