Dual....:-)
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize