dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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