DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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