Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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