my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
