I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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