I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
