I'm so fucking centered right now
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
