college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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