official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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