put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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