I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
