i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
