I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
