Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
