He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize