shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize