Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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