Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
