I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
