we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
