then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
