Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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