i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize