I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
