Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize