I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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