Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
