It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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