At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
