I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
