whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just invented taco cereal.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
