whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
