im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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