god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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