Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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