I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
