Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
