You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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