He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
