Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
