I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
