he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
