im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize