i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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