bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
