We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
