EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I understand Curling. That high.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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