Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
