I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
