Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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