Sry I called you an 8
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
