I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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