I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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