I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
