My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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