i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm at about main and main street
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
