oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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