i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize