If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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