No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
