I can't watch pbs sober anymore
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
